Red: A Crayon's Story
On Fridays it makes me happy to intentionally NOT set an alarm and trust that my body will wake me up in the perfect time, whatever that time may be. It’s an act of surrendering that I experimented with months ago when I found myself in a high state of striving. It felt so freeing, but realistically in this season of life, most days I still have to set an alarm.
My practice is then the next thing that makes me happy. This morning I stood up and stretched my arms to the sky thanking God for a good night of rest, drank water, made coffee and put my make-up on. It was 5:34 and Sam came into the bathroom. Though I tried to get him to snuggle in with Drew and go back to sleep, that wasn’t in the cards. So we snuggled on the couch together in the early morning and read books.
Sam's favorite color is Red. So we read Red: A Crayon’s Story. It was fascinating! I loved every part of it.
It’s a story of a blue crayon that has been wrapped in a red label. Red’s whole world was doing all that they could to help Red be Red. His teacher helped him practice. His mother encouraged him to color with other crayons. His grandparents gave him a scarf because they thought he was too cold. The whole box of crayons just didn’t understand. They said things like “I don’t think he’s very bright. I think he’s lazy. He’s got to press harder. Really apply himself. Give it time and he’ll catch on!”
Everyone around Red did everything they could to try and “FIX” him. They thought that they knew what was “WRONG” with him.
Until one day, the color Berry came along. Berry had drawn a boat and wanted a blue ocean for it. Red said he couldn’t do it because he was red, but she asked him to try anyway. Red drew a blue ocean and exclaimed “It was easy!” And he didn’t stop! He went on to draw a blue bird, a blue whale, blueberries and more! He had finally figured out that underneath all of the labels, he was BLUE!
The crayons were talking again. “He is brilliant! I always said he was blue! His blue strawberries are my favorite! He’s really reaching for the sky!”
When we finished the story, Sam asked me to read it again. God knew I needed to hear it twice. He also knew that this children’s book would serve me more than the adult book I had planned to read after Sam went back to sleep!
I turned in my keys this morning and pulled out of the parking lot for the last time. I thought to myself, Holy Shit! I’m BLUE!
I don’t fit in. I never really did. Yet - I kept trying to. Trying to learn and take on the norms of everyone else. But those norms are not who I am. I don’t stay silent about hard things and doing so makes me feel like I’m going to explode. Passive-aggressive behaviors don’t serve anyone. I don’t just do things because that’s the way they've always been done, I ask WHY and really want to find the most efficient & effective way to do it. I expect others to tell me if I’m doing something incorrectly rather than just fixing it themselves so that I at least have the opportunity to learn from my mistakes. I speak up when I see a deeper issue that needs to be addressed rather than staying on the surface. And when everyone is pulling a wagon in a different direction, I’m the one who constantly contemplates what ways we can work together to make some traction. I do not stay in my lane. Because I am BLUE. And sometimes blue makes others uncomfortable. And that’s ok.
Because I know who I am.
Do you constantly feel like you're trying to fit in and it's not working? That yourself or others are trying to "fix" what is "wrong" with you? Chances are - nothing is "wrong" with you. You just haven't found your color yet. Connect with me and start discovering yourself today!