Love Letter to Time
I've been working with a life-coach over the past few months. She challenged me to write a love letter to time, which made me uncomfortable and I procrastinated doing it. But it's done...in my own snarky little way.
Dear Time -
How wonderfully beautiful you are. (you said this was supposed to be a love letter) Proof of your existence lies in the pictures we take day by day, year by year. These pictures show the beauty and hardship of change. They capture moments of love.
What I love most about you is your presence. When I allow myself to be present, it seems I soak up each millisecond as if I’m looking at what is happening in front of me in awe - even the ordinary things. There is such joy and happiness in the ordinary things as long as we’re willing and in the proper mindset to see it.
Though things are good…I’d rather not settle for good. I’d rather go for great, exceptional and all-understanding. Therefore, there are things we need to work on in order to get there.
I’m fully aware that I mistreat you. I use pockets of time to be lazy or for tasks that can wait rather than keeping my goals in mind and striving toward them in each moment. I struggle. I struggle with the ‘balance’ (if that exists, which I’m not sure it does) between allowing myself to rest and overworking myself. I struggle to see the value in sitting in the living room watching TV with my husband. Is that a waste of time? Or is that quality time? I feel it is not quality time together. My biggest downfall is relaxing when he is away in the evenings. I could be using that time to really get after it with my business, yet ALL I want to do is watch TV.
I put off the important things. The things that I know could move me forward in life. I put them off like an email that requires a lot of thought. I wait for ‘the perfect time’ where I can actually sit down to think. And then a day passes. And another day. And another day. By then I’ve forgotten the context of the email, aka important thing, and must review it to get myself back into the mindset of whatever it is I’m supposed to be thinking about before even actually thinking about it. TRUTH: There’s NEVER REALLY going to be a “perfect” time -- unless I schedule it. And even IF I schedule it - sometimes God has other plans. So does it have to be perfect?? Or do I just babble as I’m doing now?
The thing is - I want to be present with Samson, but struggle even to do that sometimes. I feel best when I’m at work and work is all I’m concentrating on, rather than all the other life things (coaching, groceries, schedules, etc.) There are some days my mind is literally on top of it!! Kickin’ ass and taking names. And other days where my mind is literally a black hole with nothing in it.
So let’s get to the constructive part, shall we? How can we work better together???
Focus. Focused energy. How do I attain/achieve this? Should I even be actually focused on the how? Should I let the Lord guide me day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I used to pray something along the lines of:
Lord - keep me calm. Help me remember that I am not in control of this day, but you are! Lead me to the things that YOU want for me in that moment. You have given me all the time that I need to do the things that YOU want me to do. Show me what those are and allow me to surrender myself and be present in that moment. Help me kick ass. (ok...I added that kick-ass part in just now).
That, my friend, is coming from a place of love not fear, abundance not scarcity, trust and surrender. Is it enough? How do we work better together? Identify my priorities. If I don’t want to continue to feel stuck...if I want to continue to make forward movement in each moment, I must create the habits that allow me to do so. What are they? Show me, Lord.
How do we work better together? Fucking meditate. You know you need to. Just like you need to exercise. Just like you need to pray. What does that look like for us?
How can we work better together? Surrender. Surrender that “perfect moment” and realize that life is life. Do things in the midst of it. Make time for the important things…the things that bring the world the most LOVE and generosity. Give the world what you can give.
Up until this point, our ‘working better together’ has only required efforts on my part. Well guess what Time? A relationship is a two way street. Show me the pockets of time where I can make things happen. Show me the pockets of time where I can add value to my life and the lives of others. Where I can add value to the universe through my God given gifts and potential. Help me be consistent with seeing these pockets.
Let’s both remember that we need to stay in a state of LOVE not FEAR. That procrastination is not healthy for our well being. Let’s remember together that being PRESENT is where the genius happens.