Am I bi-polar?
The first time I met with my current therapist, I told her that I thought I might be bi-polar or something. I didn't exactly know what that meant, but I always kind of feel like I'm a bit of an emotional roller coaster.
For instance - I wrote "Feelin' Good As Hell" on Tuesday and the next day I went through the motions of life as If I were outside of myself and not actually present. Exactly the OPPOSITE of "Good as Hell".
It almost feels like I've got some sort of block somewhere in my life that is holding be back from moving forward. Sometimes I feel like I can't stay motivated. I wonder if what I'm doing even freaking' matters. I wonder if I'm on the right path. The path that God wants for me. Which direction does he want me to go? I felt self-conscious and just melancholy all. day. long.
Thankfully - my therapist then explained what it means to actually be bi-polar and I was relieved to find out that's not it.
I don't know if it's hormones, the weather, or some underlying self-limiting beliefs that have me freaking out right now... but I know these feelings will pass and I will get back to being the Shannon that I know. I'm grateful to know the difference between the not-like-Shannon and the TRUE Shannon.
These moody days do not define me. They have a purpose and make me appreciate the happy and confident days!